We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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