standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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