This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
