I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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