"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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