I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
