I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
