You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
