so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
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