i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
