yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
