Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
