I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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