i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
