they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
