Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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