fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
