WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
