Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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