Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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