Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
pray to the hookup gods
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
