he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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