Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
