i already hear my dad disowning me
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
