ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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