first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
