Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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