True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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