I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
