So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
