Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
