if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
