Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
