My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
