dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
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You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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