dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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