haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
