i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
