so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Life is so much better after having sex.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
