Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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