I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
