my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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