Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
