Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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