A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
This girl is more easily done than said...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
