question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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