When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize