hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
