Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
