I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
