omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
