I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
