Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
