Small penises have feelings too.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
