I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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