just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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