i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
