I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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