I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He did a backflip because drugs
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