I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
