OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
