ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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