Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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