it's like heaven, but drunker
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
