I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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