I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
