please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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