i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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