if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
