Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
