he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
