I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
