I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You've changed since you got that strap on
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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